HW 21b

My comments on T/W group member's blogs:


Elizabeth:

I thought the best part of your post was the 2nd paragraph, where you were talking about your grandmother. I liked this because it was your own personal experience, and you told the story well - it was very detailed. I also liked this line (shows insight):

"But when I felt respect or any sort of sorrow for her or her family, I asked myself why I felt so bad. I realized that it has to do with the way that I've been taught to see death.

Jasper:

I liked this part, because you used things associated with a hospital to describe it, as opposed to only descriptive words:

"It just seemed so much more peaceful being at home opposed to the hospital which is just doctors in white coats and note pads in an isolated place. Home seems like a much more comfortable place and you can be with the people you love and you don't get covered with a blanket and wheeled away after you die."

You could have expanded on why you thought home seemed more comfortable, but other then that, the whole paragraph was really good.

Comments from others on my blog:


Elizabeth:


Sophia,
I really enjoyed your post, I went into this assignment thinking that I would be commenting on beauty, but I found that this was easy to read and had some nice descriptions here and there.
I really liked your ending and it reminded me of the book, Looking For Alaska by John Green (as you know, one of the best teen novels ever written).

One thing you could change is your connection to your experience and Beth's experience. I liked the connection that you made, but both paragraphs are about hospice care. With such a long list of 9 different insights, I feel like you could have related to at least one more.
I would like to say that I've caught some grammar errors here and there, but I know that some of my posts have grammatical errors too, and there were only a few so I don't think it's too big of a deal.

Lily (Younger person - 9th grade)

I thought this was really well worded. The way you put everything really gave me an image of the gentleness and care in this story. I would have liked to see more connections but all in all, i liked it a lot.

Marilena (Older person - college)


I really liked the way you connected her experiences to yours, because you told a similar story. I also liked the ideas/questions you had, although they ended a bit abruptly - I thought there would be more. I also wouldn't have numbered the insights.