During my conversations with different mothers, the topics of discussion centered around pregnancy, birth, and why people choose to have children.
My first conversation was with a mother of a two year old who is 32 weeks pregnant with her second child. She said that she feels tired all the time, clumsy, and forgetful. She said that she feels more moody then usual, but not by much, although she also said "my family would probably disagree with that!" She also said that with her first pregnancy, she bought all the books and stuff to prepare, but a lot of it just freaked her out ("there are so many things that can go wrong"), so she ended up taking advice from her friends, family and doctors. I asked if people treat her any differently, and she said that while her friends and family don't treat her any differently, strangers are are sometimes overly friendly, and come up and rub her stomach. She also said that with her first pregnancy, she expected to never have to wait in line for the bathroom, and for people to give up their chairs for her. However, that didn't usually happen. She also made sure to tell me that pregnancy is a beautiful and amazing thing, even if it is uncomfortable.
The physical symptoms she mentioned pretty much matched up with my previous knowledge: fatigue, mood swings, etc. I was surprised that she said that she didn't like the books about pregnancy - I always thought those were treated like bibles, and that everything in them was final. However, I liked that this wasn't true, because it shows that not everyone does things by the book all the time, and that people can make their own decisions about what is best for them. It also surprised me when she said that people didn't usually give up seats for her, because whenever I see a pregnant woman on the subway or bus, someone always gives her a seat. It disappointed me to find out that this isn't always the case, because I like to think that most people would give up their seat for a pregnant woman.
The next woman I interviewed is the mother of a baby girl. I asked about what it was like to be in labor and give birth. She said:
"I remember when the contractions started and deciding it was finally time to head to the hospital. A couple hours later my labor slowed down and I was given the option to either go home and get some sleep or stay at the hospital. I wanted to go home. When I woke up the next morning, I was in a lot more pain. I remember being desperate for relief of some kind, but nothing seemed to really help. I remember being mad at my husband because he didn't know how to help and feeling alone. At some point my husband decided we had better go back to the hospital (he kept asking me, but I was incapable of making the decision). Despite wanting to have a "natural" birth, the whole drive there the only thing I could think of was the epidural."
"By the time we got there, I was crying and looked like a horrible mess. Laying down hooked up to the monitors was agony. At that point, the pain was completely consuming and I couldn't stand it. I would hold on to the bed rail with every contraction.After the epidural, I was in a state of blissful numbness. I remember the next 12+ hours as a vague dream. When it was time to push, I couldn't feel anything so the nurse told me when to push based on the monitors. I remember saying it hurt, but I don't remember any pain. My eyes were closed. I remember the doctor saying, "I'm going to have to cut you now," and then nothing."
"When someone said "it's a girl," I realized my eyes were squeezed shut and there was already a bundled up baby in my arms. Instead of being overcome by instant love like everyone told me I would be, I just felt kind of awkward. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do or how I felt."
I was struck by how different her story was from the way birth is usually described. While I knew labor and birth were painful, I always thought that it would all be okay in the end - this is what people have always told me. I always figured that while going into labor would be scary, it would also be somewhat exiting - I mean, you're about to have a child. I would hate to feel alone right before that, and to feel helpless. However, I liked that I was hearing a completely different story then most. And I was actually glad to know that it's okay to feel uncertain, or to not know what to feel. Her story showed me that even with something as natural as birth, people still feel awkward sometimes.
The third woman I interviewed has an 11 month old daughter, and wants to have another child so that her daughter will have a sibling. However, it's not happening. She said she wants to have another child because a few months ago one of her friends died in November, and her friend had a daughter. She kept thinking about how alone her friend's daughter must feel, and decided that she wanted her daughter to have a sibling so that no matter what, they would always have each other. When I asked why she wanted to have a child the first time around, she said that she had gotten married, and felt she wanted a family.
I thought it was interesting how her friend's death made her want to have another child. During the illness and dying unit, we talked mostly about what it was like for the actual people dying, and not so much about how it affects people they know. Her friend's death made her want to have another child, conceivably so that her daughter wouldn't be alone - but I wondered if it was something more then that, if having another child was a way to help her get over the death of her friend.
Throughout all my interviews, I also thought about why people decide to have children. I have heard women say that they "had a strong desire" to have kids, or their body was telling them it was time to have a child. I once heard a woman say that for the four years before she had a child it was all she could think about. I wondered if this was something mental (they wanted a baby to love and care for), or something physical. This is something I would like to research more about what the biological reasons behind people wanting children are.
I didn't get to interview any fathers, so I am curious about what their experience is like. Do they feel emotionally attached to their child before he is born, or only afterward, when they have seen and held him?
Wow, this is a really good and complete post, honestly I was thinking for a while how i could try to help you make this better and there are not many ways that I think you can make it better. You did a great job recording your interviews and analyzing what you learned and what you put in bold was a good idea that I had also thought about in many of my class. Its something that i wrote about in my blog post and you'll see this when you read it but here is your best line ""When someone said "it's a girl," I realized my eyes were squeezed shut and there was already a bundled up baby in my arms. Instead of being overcome by instant love like everyone told me I would be, I just felt kind of awkward. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do or how I felt." I like this a lot even though its a quote because it sounds like something that most moms would say but I think its like this because mothers do love their babies and i talk a lot about why I think this is in my blog so you blog and mine have a lot of the same ideas. Good post.
ReplyDeleteThe part I liked best was this~
ReplyDelete"And I was actually glad to know that it's okay to feel uncertain, or to not know what to feel. Her story showed me that even with something as natural as birth, people still feel awkward sometimes."
I thought this was really relatable. The above quote was the best for another reason, too. You seem very earnest and you're interperting the interview with a lot of emotion while maintaining admirable professionality. I can't think of anything to change, your work is really remarkable for this.
I thought your best line was:
ReplyDelete"I was struck by how different her story was from the way birth is usually described. While I knew labor and birth were painful, I always thought that it would all be okay in the end - this is what people have always told me. I always figured that while going into labor would be scary, it would also be somewhat exiting - I mean, you're about to have a child."
This was good analysis, as it shows how what you learned is different then you have previously heard. It also reveals what you think the experience of birth would be like (which has been affected by what you have previously been told).
The only suggestion I have is that you could have gone more in depth with the analysis of the third interview.
I thought it was smart of you to explain the physical and mental effects DURING a pregnancy, which is something I didn't really have in mind going into this assignment. Its important to explain those specific things because in our culture there are many assumptions and stereotypes of women while pregnant. It was also interesting for you to talk about how other people treated her during the pregnancy because that is also definitely a factor.
ReplyDeleteI believe that your best thought was:
"
I thought it was interesting how her friend's death made her want to have another child. "
because you were touching on the big idea of what motivates people to have children! and this is a very unique and beautiful example of that.