- People who have health insurance sometimes receive insufficient medical care, and are sometimes denied coverage for procedures or medicines that they need. (Sicko)
- What is good for one patient can cost society. (NYT Article)
- "When you learn how to die, you learn how to live." - Tuesdays With Morrie
- In the United States, many people are not given the correct care, and die from iatrogenic causes(Class discussion, Lucas, confirmed here and here).
The book Tuesdays With Morrie was a helpful source, because it shed light on a topic and an experience that I had previously been sheltered from. It also acknowledges why people are sheltered from death - it is hidden, tucked away in clean hospitals, where no one can see it. In the book, Morrie chooses to stay at home and get treated there, where he can have visitors and be with his wife. This reminded me of how Beth wanted Erik to be at home when he was dying. Both Morrie and Beth seemed to have healthier perspectives on the experience, and I thought maybe that was because they were seeing it happen in a place that they had spent a lot of time in. Perhaps that made death seem real, and a part of life, in a way that being in a hospital couldn't.
I think we should think about the topic of illness more. Not illness in terms of dying, and not discussing the factor of health insurance, but actually being ill. What is it like for someone to be told they have an extremely serious illness, one that they could possibly (but not necessarily) die from? To be told that if they do everything right, they might have a chance? I don't know exactly how we would explore this question (books or movies?), but it seems worth thinking about.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
HW 25 - Response to Sicko
"Sicko (2007)" - Directed by Micheal Moore
1. Precis:
2. Evidence:
a. Two specific points of evidence that Michael Moore used to bolster his argument:
- 18,000 uninsured Americans will die this year.
- Canadians live (on average) 3 years longer then Americans do.
b. The first point was important for supporting his thesis because it demonstrates how people who are uninsured are more likely to have medical problems extreme enough that they could die, since they haven't been covered by health insurance, and therefore will be less likely to see a doctor in the case of illness.
c. (Examine sources)
d. I checked whether the quote about 18,000 uninsured Americans dying this year was true. This piece of evidence seems to be legitimate. Micheal Moore cites the source for that fact on the website for Sicko, and another citation for it can also be found here.
3. Response:
The main reaction to the movie that I experienced was just the feeling of being disappointed in the country I live in. It reminded me (yet again) how much better other countries like Canada and France are, because the government provides basic care to the people who live there. There was also a part of the movie where Micheal Moore is sort of making fun of the American way of life: Work to get into school, work hard so you can get a job that will pay off your student loans, never quit that job because if you do you'll be buried in a mountain of debt, get a second job, and take pills and drink coffee to make it all better. This is similar to how Micheal Pollan describes the American way of eating: Don't enjoy your food, eat it solely for it's nutritional value, or enjoy your McDonald's and get fat and unhealthy and die early.
In both of these ways, Americans seem to fall into both extremes. There's the work too hard and eat only nutritious food side, and the slack off a little and eat fast food side. It seems weird, to look at statistics about life in the United States, and see how much they contradict common sense. We have a longer school year then other countries, yet we don't test nearly as well in math and science. Americans work more and have less vacation time then other countries, yet we aren't as productive. (I have sources of evidence for all of these claims, which I will post as soon as possible).
All in all, it seems like Americans don't enjoy their lives as much as people in other places (namely Europe). The only motivation for doing well in school seems to be to get good grades to get into a good college to get a good job (in other words, one that pays well). The motivation for working seems to be to make money to buy things. I feel like people here don't enjoy their lives as much as they should. We don't learn for the sake of learning or study things we like - we do it to get jobs. We don't get jobs we like, which makes us unhappy and unfulfilled. We try to buy things to make us happy, but it doesn't work. This goes back to something Morrie says in Tuesdays with Morrie: "We live in a culture that doesn't make people feel good about themselves." He goes on to say that people buy too many things and don't appreciate their family and friends enough. Reading this is probably what brought me to that conclusion as I was watching Sicko.
1. Precis:
In America, people who do not have health insurance pay extreme amounts of money to get treatment when they are sick – however, so do people who do have health insurance. HMOs do not have any incentive to treat people, because that would mean they would lose money. Countries like Canada, France, and Cuba have national health care that covers everyone, and in any situation. This is made possible because people basically pay for their health care when they pay taxes – in other words, health care in those countries is socialized – a word that people in America are taught to fear.
2. Evidence:
a. Two specific points of evidence that Michael Moore used to bolster his argument:
- 18,000 uninsured Americans will die this year.
- Canadians live (on average) 3 years longer then Americans do.
b. The first point was important for supporting his thesis because it demonstrates how people who are uninsured are more likely to have medical problems extreme enough that they could die, since they haven't been covered by health insurance, and therefore will be less likely to see a doctor in the case of illness.
c. (Examine sources)
d. I checked whether the quote about 18,000 uninsured Americans dying this year was true. This piece of evidence seems to be legitimate. Micheal Moore cites the source for that fact on the website for Sicko, and another citation for it can also be found here.
3. Response:
The main reaction to the movie that I experienced was just the feeling of being disappointed in the country I live in. It reminded me (yet again) how much better other countries like Canada and France are, because the government provides basic care to the people who live there. There was also a part of the movie where Micheal Moore is sort of making fun of the American way of life: Work to get into school, work hard so you can get a job that will pay off your student loans, never quit that job because if you do you'll be buried in a mountain of debt, get a second job, and take pills and drink coffee to make it all better. This is similar to how Micheal Pollan describes the American way of eating: Don't enjoy your food, eat it solely for it's nutritional value, or enjoy your McDonald's and get fat and unhealthy and die early.
In both of these ways, Americans seem to fall into both extremes. There's the work too hard and eat only nutritious food side, and the slack off a little and eat fast food side. It seems weird, to look at statistics about life in the United States, and see how much they contradict common sense. We have a longer school year then other countries, yet we don't test nearly as well in math and science. Americans work more and have less vacation time then other countries, yet we aren't as productive. (I have sources of evidence for all of these claims, which I will post as soon as possible).
All in all, it seems like Americans don't enjoy their lives as much as people in other places (namely Europe). The only motivation for doing well in school seems to be to get good grades to get into a good college to get a good job (in other words, one that pays well). The motivation for working seems to be to make money to buy things. I feel like people here don't enjoy their lives as much as they should. We don't learn for the sake of learning or study things we like - we do it to get jobs. We don't get jobs we like, which makes us unhappy and unfulfilled. We try to buy things to make us happy, but it doesn't work. This goes back to something Morrie says in Tuesdays with Morrie: "We live in a culture that doesn't make people feel good about themselves." He goes on to say that people buy too many things and don't appreciate their family and friends enough. Reading this is probably what brought me to that conclusion as I was watching Sicko.
HW 24 - Illness & Dying Book, Part 3
Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom
Published by Doubleday Broadway Publishing Group; Random House Inc. in 1997
Third 1/3 of the book: Pgs. 129 - 199 (Includes afterword)
Precis of entire book:
The last class of my professor's life took place once a week, on Tuesdays. My professor taught me to do what made me happy. He taught me that what made people happy was sometimes to make others happy, by listening and paying attention to them. He himself was dying, but he wasn't sad or upset about it - he saw it as something that just happened, something that needed to happen. He knew that when he was gone people would still remember him.
Quotes:
Pg. 133: "This is out last thesis together, you know. We want to get it right."
Response: Throughout this book and others about death, I sense a feeling of urgency to do all these things with someone while you still can, to make sure you get all the time with them you want. There's also the feeling more directly depicted in the quote above - the one of wanting to end on a good note, with all the ends tied up, nothing missing or forgotten.
Pg. 135: "When Morrie was with you, he was really with you. He looked you straight in the eye, and he listened as if you were the only person in the world. How much better would people get along if their first encounter each day were like this - instead of a grumble from a waitress or a bus driver or a boss?"
Paraphrase: People should really listen to each other, not just pretend to.
Pg. 151: MITCH: Remember the book of Job?
MORRIE: From the bible?
MITCH: Right. Job is a good man, but God makes him suffer to test his faith. Takes away everything he has, his house, his money, his family...
MORRIE: His health. He makes him sick.
MITCH: Right. To test his faith. So I was wondering....what you think of that.
MORRIE: I think God overdid it.
Pg. 162: "Don't let go too soon, don't hang on too long." - Morrie
Response: I like this quote because it applies to the situation in the book, but it also stands well on it's own - people could think of it in different contexts.
Pg. 193 - 194:
"Morrie, my name is Mitch Albom. I was a student of yours in the 1970s. I don't know if you remember me."
"How come you didn't call me Coach?"
Response: Mitch wasn't sure if Morrie remembered him, because he forgot that Morrie wasn't a regular person. If he has been a regular person, he would have forgotten about some student he had 20 years or so ago. But he wasn't, he was Morrie, and that's why he remembered.
Thoughts and experiences in relation to this book's portrayal (in the last 1/3rd) of how people go about being sick and dying:
This part of the book seems to talk a lot about caring for others and being respectful of their feelings. Morrie does this, and he encourages Mitch to do it. I agree with this, and I feel like it's good as a general rule in life, but these type of statements don't seem to have a lot of substance unless their applied to a larger context then everyday life. If you take it day by day, it's pretty simple to try to be nicer to people. However, how can this be applied to one's whole life? Morrie seems to dislike the fact that Mitch is working for people who are rich and don't care about him, but that's not always avoidable. Not everyone can have a job as a professor, and sit around spouting wisdom at people all day. There are things outside of that, and this book doesn't acknowledge that.
This part of the book seems to talk a lot about caring for others and being respectful of their feelings. Morrie does this, and he encourages Mitch to do it. I agree with this, and I feel like it's good as a general rule in life, but these type of statements don't seem to have a lot of substance unless their applied to a larger context then everyday life. If you take it day by day, it's pretty simple to try to be nicer to people. However, how can this be applied to one's whole life? Morrie seems to dislike the fact that Mitch is working for people who are rich and don't care about him, but that's not always avoidable. Not everyone can have a job as a professor, and sit around spouting wisdom at people all day. There are things outside of that, and this book doesn't acknowledge that.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
HW 23 - Illness & Dying Book, Part 2
Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom
Published by Doubleday Broadway Publishing Group; Random House Inc. in 1997
Second 1/3 of the book - Pgs. 61 - 129
Second 1/3 of the book - Pgs. 61 - 129
Precis of "The Professor, Part Two" (Pgs. 109 - 113):
Morrie used to work at a mental hospital doing research, observing the patients there and recording their treatments. He got to know and understand some of the patients there, an decided that most of them felt ignored in their lives, and missed compassion. When Morrie was teaching at Brandeis in the sixties, he and his fellow professors were very involved in the changes taking place at the time, going to protest marches in Washington with their students, and holding class discussions. Many students might not take Morrie's classes seriously today, but he had many students visit him, saying they had never had another teacher quite like him.
Quotes:
Pg. 91 : "It was the first week in September, back-to-school week, and after thirty-five consecutive autumns, my old professor did not have a class waiting for him on a college campus. Boston was teeming with students, double-parked on side streets, unloading trunks. And here was Morrie in his study. It seemed wrong, like those football players who finally retire and have to face that first Sunday at home, watching on TV, thinking I could still do that." - Mitch
Response: It seems like he's trying to say people regret that they couldn't do more. This seems to be true in the case of a football player, because that seems to be a profession where once you stop playing, it's over. However, Morrie never really stopped teaching, as he seemed to teach things to everyone he spoke with.
Pg. 108 : MITCH : Do you believe in reincarnation?
MORRIE : Perhaps.
MITCH : What would you come back as?
MORRIE : If I had my choice, a gazelle.
MITCH : A gazelle?
MORRIE : Yes. So graceful, so fast.
MITCH : A gazelle?
MORRIE : You think that's strange?
MITCH : No. I don't think that's strange at all.
Pg. 110 : "I'm so lucky to be here, because my husband is so rich he can afford it. Could you imagine if I had to be in one of those cheap mental hospitals?" - Woman at Chestnut Lodge
Response: She's saying that she wouldn't be able to stay where she is staying if she had less money, which was brought up in sicko - how people can't afford to pay their medical bills. However, this was before Nixon passed the HMO law in 1973. If this woman needed to go to a mental hospital today, she would probably just be glad to be in one, regardless of whether it was "cheap" or not.
Quotes:
Pg. 91 : "It was the first week in September, back-to-school week, and after thirty-five consecutive autumns, my old professor did not have a class waiting for him on a college campus. Boston was teeming with students, double-parked on side streets, unloading trunks. And here was Morrie in his study. It seemed wrong, like those football players who finally retire and have to face that first Sunday at home, watching on TV, thinking I could still do that." - Mitch
Response: It seems like he's trying to say people regret that they couldn't do more. This seems to be true in the case of a football player, because that seems to be a profession where once you stop playing, it's over. However, Morrie never really stopped teaching, as he seemed to teach things to everyone he spoke with.
Pg. 108 : MITCH : Do you believe in reincarnation?
MORRIE : Perhaps.
MITCH : What would you come back as?
MORRIE : If I had my choice, a gazelle.
MITCH : A gazelle?
MORRIE : Yes. So graceful, so fast.
MITCH : A gazelle?
MORRIE : You think that's strange?
MITCH : No. I don't think that's strange at all.
Pg. 110 : "I'm so lucky to be here, because my husband is so rich he can afford it. Could you imagine if I had to be in one of those cheap mental hospitals?" - Woman at Chestnut Lodge
Response: She's saying that she wouldn't be able to stay where she is staying if she had less money, which was brought up in sicko - how people can't afford to pay their medical bills. However, this was before Nixon passed the HMO law in 1973. If this woman needed to go to a mental hospital today, she would probably just be glad to be in one, regardless of whether it was "cheap" or not.
Pg. 120 : "The truth is, part of me is every age. I'm a three-year-old, I'm a five-year-old, I'm a thirty-seven year old, I'm a fifty-year-old. I've been through all of them, and I know what it's like. I delight in being a child when it's appropriate to be a child. I delight in being a wise old man when it's appropriate to be a wise old man. Think of all I can be! I am every age, up to my own. Do you understand? How can I be envious of where you are - when I've been there myself?" - Morrie
Response: This reminds me of a story where this girl is talking about her eleventh birthday. She says how people are like those Russian dolls, the ones where you open them and find a smaller one, and they all fit inside each other. She says that she is eleven, but she is also three and eight and five and every age, up to eleven.
Thoughts and experiences in relation to this book's portrayal (in the first 1/3rd) of how people go about being sick and dying:
Morrie and Mitch talk about Lou Gehrig, since he also had ALS. Morrie doesn't seem to like what Lou Gehrig said, saying he wouldn't call himself lucky. However, he seems to have a lot of the same ideas that Lou Gehrig did - that it's the people around you who matter, that having people who love you is the best part of life. This is part of the "luckiest man" speech:
"Fans, for the past two weeks you have been reading about the bad break I got. Yet today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of this earth. I have been in ballparks for seventeen years and have never received anything but kindness and encouragement from you fans. I’m lucky.
When you have a wonderful mother-in-law who takes sides with you in squabbles with her own daughter - that’s something. When you have a father and a mother who work all their lives so you can have an education and build your body - it’s a blessing. When you have a wife who has been a tower of strength and shown more courage than you dreamed existed - that’s the finest I know. So I close in saying that I may have had a tough break, but I have an awful lot to live for."
Morrie and Mitch talk about Lou Gehrig, since he also had ALS. Morrie doesn't seem to like what Lou Gehrig said, saying he wouldn't call himself lucky. However, he seems to have a lot of the same ideas that Lou Gehrig did - that it's the people around you who matter, that having people who love you is the best part of life. This is part of the "luckiest man" speech:
"Fans, for the past two weeks you have been reading about the bad break I got. Yet today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of this earth. I have been in ballparks for seventeen years and have never received anything but kindness and encouragement from you fans. I’m lucky.
When you have a wonderful mother-in-law who takes sides with you in squabbles with her own daughter - that’s something. When you have a father and a mother who work all their lives so you can have an education and build your body - it’s a blessing. When you have a wife who has been a tower of strength and shown more courage than you dreamed existed - that’s the finest I know. So I close in saying that I may have had a tough break, but I have an awful lot to live for."
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
HW 21b
My comments on T/W group member's blogs:
Elizabeth:
I thought the best part of your post was the 2nd paragraph, where you were talking about your grandmother. I liked this because it was your own personal experience, and you told the story well - it was very detailed. I also liked this line (shows insight):
"But when I felt respect or any sort of sorrow for her or her family, I asked myself why I felt so bad. I realized that it has to do with the way that I've been taught to see death.
Jasper:
I liked this part, because you used things associated with a hospital to describe it, as opposed to only descriptive words:
"It just seemed so much more peaceful being at home opposed to the hospital which is just doctors in white coats and note pads in an isolated place. Home seems like a much more comfortable place and you can be with the people you love and you don't get covered with a blanket and wheeled away after you die."
You could have expanded on why you thought home seemed more comfortable, but other then that, the whole paragraph was really good.
Comments from others on my blog:
Elizabeth:
Sophia,
I really enjoyed your post, I went into this assignment thinking that I would be commenting on beauty, but I found that this was easy to read and had some nice descriptions here and there.
I really liked your ending and it reminded me of the book, Looking For Alaska by John Green (as you know, one of the best teen novels ever written).
One thing you could change is your connection to your experience and Beth's experience. I liked the connection that you made, but both paragraphs are about hospice care. With such a long list of 9 different insights, I feel like you could have related to at least one more.
I would like to say that I've caught some grammar errors here and there, but I know that some of my posts have grammatical errors too, and there were only a few so I don't think it's too big of a deal.
Lily (Younger person - 9th grade)
I thought this was really well worded. The way you put everything really gave me an image of the gentleness and care in this story. I would have liked to see more connections but all in all, i liked it a lot.
Marilena (Older person - college)
I really liked the way you connected her experiences to yours, because you told a similar story. I also liked the ideas/questions you had, although they ended a bit abruptly - I thought there would be more. I also wouldn't have numbered the insights.
Elizabeth:
I thought the best part of your post was the 2nd paragraph, where you were talking about your grandmother. I liked this because it was your own personal experience, and you told the story well - it was very detailed. I also liked this line (shows insight):
"But when I felt respect or any sort of sorrow for her or her family, I asked myself why I felt so bad. I realized that it has to do with the way that I've been taught to see death.
Jasper:
I liked this part, because you used things associated with a hospital to describe it, as opposed to only descriptive words:
"It just seemed so much more peaceful being at home opposed to the hospital which is just doctors in white coats and note pads in an isolated place. Home seems like a much more comfortable place and you can be with the people you love and you don't get covered with a blanket and wheeled away after you die."
You could have expanded on why you thought home seemed more comfortable, but other then that, the whole paragraph was really good.
Comments from others on my blog:
Elizabeth:
Sophia,
I really enjoyed your post, I went into this assignment thinking that I would be commenting on beauty, but I found that this was easy to read and had some nice descriptions here and there.
I really liked your ending and it reminded me of the book, Looking For Alaska by John Green (as you know, one of the best teen novels ever written).
One thing you could change is your connection to your experience and Beth's experience. I liked the connection that you made, but both paragraphs are about hospice care. With such a long list of 9 different insights, I feel like you could have related to at least one more.
I would like to say that I've caught some grammar errors here and there, but I know that some of my posts have grammatical errors too, and there were only a few so I don't think it's too big of a deal.
Lily (Younger person - 9th grade)
I thought this was really well worded. The way you put everything really gave me an image of the gentleness and care in this story. I would have liked to see more connections but all in all, i liked it a lot.
Marilena (Older person - college)
I really liked the way you connected her experiences to yours, because you told a similar story. I also liked the ideas/questions you had, although they ended a bit abruptly - I thought there would be more. I also wouldn't have numbered the insights.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
HW 22 - Illness & Dying Book Part 1
Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom
Published by Doubleday Broadway Publishing Group; Random House Inc. in 1997
First 1/3 of the book - Pgs. 1 - 61
Precis of "The Classroom" (Pgs. 32 - 38)
A lot of people wanted to see Morrie now, seemingly because he was more interesting now - he could tell people what to expect. When I was in college, I believed in all the things we talked about: I wanted to have a happy, fulfilled life, I wanted to help people, I wanted to go places. Instead, I stayed in the same place, unsatisfied. Morrie has a complete lack of self pity about his situation because he is happy to be surrounded by people who he loves and who love him - he is fulfilled. I promised I would come back and visit him.
Quotes:
"When a colleague at Brandeis died suddenly of a heart attack, Morrie went to his funeral. He came home depressed. "What a waste," he said. "All those people saying all those wonderful things, and Irv never got to hear any of it." Morrie had a better idea." (Pg 12)
Response: My 6th grade teacher read parts of this book to my class. I remembered this sentence all this time - it was odd to see it in the book, in print, when my memory is of her reading it. The quote seems to say so much more now.
"After the funeral, my life changed. I felt as if time were suddenly precious, water going down an open drain, and I could not move quickly enough.....Instead, I buried myself in accomplishments, because with accomplishments, I believed I could control things..." (Pgs. 15 - 17)
Response: Life is too short. This part seems like it could have been a cliche, but the way he phrased it made it seem more original.
"What happened to me? I once promised myself I would never work for money, that I would join the peace corps, that I would live in beautiful, inspirational places." (Pg. 34)
Response: I think he kind of captures this idea of people being really motivated to have a happy life when they're younger, but then they get older and have jobs and look back and think how naive they were before. Which is awful, because that makes it seem like only young people should have dreams. This is what I don't like - the idea that once you get old and have kids, your real life is over.
Thoughts and experiences in relation to this book's portrayal (in the first 1/3rd) of how people go about being sick and dying:
Somewhere towards the beginning of the book, Mitch is visiting Morrie, and he notices that there is a stack of newspapers next to Morrie's chair. Mitch questions him about them, asking if Morrie still reads the news everyday. Morrie says: "I do. It seems odd doesn't it? It's not like I'll be around to see how it all turns out."
This made me think about that a lot - I couldn't imagine waking up and reading the paper and drinking coffee like normal if I knew I was going to die. Maybe I thought that because most of the time, unless someone dies in some public way, people are alone, and isolated when they are dying. In stories, when someone is dying, the focus is on them dying - there isn't usually any mention of what's going on in the outside world.
Later in the book Morrie is being interviewed, and he says he is no longer keeping up with the news, because he is tuning out the world around him. Maybe people just want to be alone when they're dying, so they can focus on the time they have left.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
HW 21 - Expert #1
Insights & experiences shared by the guest speaker:
1. Beth's husband Erik was resistant to seeing a doctor at first. She said that she thought this was because he was a man.
2. It was 2 years before he saw a doctor, due partly to his initial resistance, and partly to paperwork problems that made it hard for them to get health insurance right away.
3. When they finally saw a doctor, they were treated very well, even though he was on government health insurance.
4. However, she said she had to really stand up for them, and make sure that he got everything he needed, because the doctors aren't going to remember - they see dozens of people every day.
5. For the months and months beforehand, they never really talked about him dying - the word death wasn't really mentioned.
6. He was slowly starting to fade away - he lost weight, became more and more tired, needed more help. However, Beth chose to personally take care of him as opposed to putting him in a hospice - she didn't like that death was dealt with in that way, where people are isolated from the rest of the world.
7. The last 10 days, Beth and Evan were with Erik all the time. They both talked about this the most, mentioning all the things they had to do for him - getting him water, for his hands, trying to make him more comfortable.
8. Beth said it was about 2 or 3 in the morning, and she was with Erik, and she felt the room was more still, more quiet - she realized his heart had stopped beating. She went and got Evan so that he could see Erik before he was taken away.
9. Afterward, they felt drained.
Connecting her insights/experience to my insights/experience:
Beth mentioned that she didn't want Erik to be in a hospice, that she wanted him to be at home. This gave me a different perspective on hospices (See HW 17 ). I had always known that they were somewhere to go when you knew you were going to die, and that the people who went to them felt that it was a good choice. I sort of thought they were a place people went because they wanted, and that the idea of them, while not exactly nice, was comforting: that there was this place people could go where everyone would make sure they were comfortable. However, when she brought it up, I thought about it some more, and the idea seemed absurd - why would anyone want to die in a fluorescent light lit hospital, instead of their own comfortable home?
When she talked about how she was with Erik and she realized he was dead, it reminded me of my dad telling me a story of when he was working at the hospice. He was attending to a man who wanted him to put lotion on his hands. So he did, and the guy closed his eyes and seemed to fall into a half sleep. After a while, my dad realized that the man's hands felt cold - too cold. It seemed odd that both Beth and my dad had watched someone die, but the factors surrounding it were extremely different - one person was a husband, one was a stranger. One was at home surrounded by family, one was at a hospice with no one he really knew. But both Beth and my dad remembered the exact moment of realization of what happened, the same thing about the room being still.
Further thoughts - ideas or questions Beth's presentation sparked:
Beth talked about how after Erik died, she mainly remembered the good things about him, but she didn't forget the less nice things. I liked that she said that, because I feel that too often, people don't remember the bad things. Maybe it depends on how much you know them. Or maybe things just look better in perspective, when you can look over your entire time knowing someone, and realize that altogether, there were more good things then bad things. She also talked about the last days and months with him, and how that was so good, to have that time with him. This struck me as very beautiful for some reason, maybe because there was closure, and the whole thing ended well.
It made me realize that that would be the ideal way of this happening - plenty of time with them, lots of time to say everything you want to, nothing cut short. It would be my nightmare for it to be a surprise - like if it was a car accident. What if the last thing you say isn't nice? Or if it's ordinary - "Don't forget to buy milk!" I could never live with that.
1. Beth's husband Erik was resistant to seeing a doctor at first. She said that she thought this was because he was a man.
2. It was 2 years before he saw a doctor, due partly to his initial resistance, and partly to paperwork problems that made it hard for them to get health insurance right away.
3. When they finally saw a doctor, they were treated very well, even though he was on government health insurance.
4. However, she said she had to really stand up for them, and make sure that he got everything he needed, because the doctors aren't going to remember - they see dozens of people every day.
5. For the months and months beforehand, they never really talked about him dying - the word death wasn't really mentioned.
6. He was slowly starting to fade away - he lost weight, became more and more tired, needed more help. However, Beth chose to personally take care of him as opposed to putting him in a hospice - she didn't like that death was dealt with in that way, where people are isolated from the rest of the world.
7. The last 10 days, Beth and Evan were with Erik all the time. They both talked about this the most, mentioning all the things they had to do for him - getting him water, for his hands, trying to make him more comfortable.
8. Beth said it was about 2 or 3 in the morning, and she was with Erik, and she felt the room was more still, more quiet - she realized his heart had stopped beating. She went and got Evan so that he could see Erik before he was taken away.
9. Afterward, they felt drained.
Connecting her insights/experience to my insights/experience:
Beth mentioned that she didn't want Erik to be in a hospice, that she wanted him to be at home. This gave me a different perspective on hospices (See HW 17 ). I had always known that they were somewhere to go when you knew you were going to die, and that the people who went to them felt that it was a good choice. I sort of thought they were a place people went because they wanted, and that the idea of them, while not exactly nice, was comforting: that there was this place people could go where everyone would make sure they were comfortable. However, when she brought it up, I thought about it some more, and the idea seemed absurd - why would anyone want to die in a fluorescent light lit hospital, instead of their own comfortable home?
When she talked about how she was with Erik and she realized he was dead, it reminded me of my dad telling me a story of when he was working at the hospice. He was attending to a man who wanted him to put lotion on his hands. So he did, and the guy closed his eyes and seemed to fall into a half sleep. After a while, my dad realized that the man's hands felt cold - too cold. It seemed odd that both Beth and my dad had watched someone die, but the factors surrounding it were extremely different - one person was a husband, one was a stranger. One was at home surrounded by family, one was at a hospice with no one he really knew. But both Beth and my dad remembered the exact moment of realization of what happened, the same thing about the room being still.
Further thoughts - ideas or questions Beth's presentation sparked:
Beth talked about how after Erik died, she mainly remembered the good things about him, but she didn't forget the less nice things. I liked that she said that, because I feel that too often, people don't remember the bad things. Maybe it depends on how much you know them. Or maybe things just look better in perspective, when you can look over your entire time knowing someone, and realize that altogether, there were more good things then bad things. She also talked about the last days and months with him, and how that was so good, to have that time with him. This struck me as very beautiful for some reason, maybe because there was closure, and the whole thing ended well.
It made me realize that that would be the ideal way of this happening - plenty of time with them, lots of time to say everything you want to, nothing cut short. It would be my nightmare for it to be a surprise - like if it was a car accident. What if the last thing you say isn't nice? Or if it's ordinary - "Don't forget to buy milk!" I could never live with that.
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