During my conversations with different mothers, the topics of discussion centered around pregnancy, birth, and why people choose to have children.
My first conversation was with a mother of a two year old who is 32 weeks pregnant with her second child. She said that she feels tired all the time, clumsy, and forgetful. She said that she feels more moody then usual, but not by much, although she also said "my family would probably disagree with that!" She also said that with her first pregnancy, she bought all the books and stuff to prepare, but a lot of it just freaked her out ("there are so many things that can go wrong"), so she ended up taking advice from her friends, family and doctors. I asked if people treat her any differently, and she said that while her friends and family don't treat her any differently, strangers are are sometimes overly friendly, and come up and rub her stomach. She also said that with her first pregnancy, she expected to never have to wait in line for the bathroom, and for people to give up their chairs for her. However, that didn't usually happen. She also made sure to tell me that pregnancy is a beautiful and amazing thing, even if it is uncomfortable.
The physical symptoms she mentioned pretty much matched up with my previous knowledge: fatigue, mood swings, etc. I was surprised that she said that she didn't like the books about pregnancy - I always thought those were treated like bibles, and that everything in them was final. However, I liked that this wasn't true, because it shows that not everyone does things by the book all the time, and that people can make their own decisions about what is best for them. It also surprised me when she said that people didn't usually give up seats for her, because whenever I see a pregnant woman on the subway or bus, someone always gives her a seat. It disappointed me to find out that this isn't always the case, because I like to think that most people would give up their seat for a pregnant woman.
The next woman I interviewed is the mother of a baby girl. I asked about what it was like to be in labor and give birth. She said:
"I remember when the contractions started and deciding it was finally time to head to the hospital. A couple hours later my labor slowed down and I was given the option to either go home and get some sleep or stay at the hospital. I wanted to go home. When I woke up the next morning, I was in a lot more pain. I remember being desperate for relief of some kind, but nothing seemed to really help. I remember being mad at my husband because he didn't know how to help and feeling alone. At some point my husband decided we had better go back to the hospital (he kept asking me, but I was incapable of making the decision). Despite wanting to have a "natural" birth, the whole drive there the only thing I could think of was the epidural."
"By the time we got there, I was crying and looked like a horrible mess. Laying down hooked up to the monitors was agony. At that point, the pain was completely consuming and I couldn't stand it. I would hold on to the bed rail with every contraction.After the epidural, I was in a state of blissful numbness. I remember the next 12+ hours as a vague dream. When it was time to push, I couldn't feel anything so the nurse told me when to push based on the monitors. I remember saying it hurt, but I don't remember any pain. My eyes were closed. I remember the doctor saying, "I'm going to have to cut you now," and then nothing."
"When someone said "it's a girl," I realized my eyes were squeezed shut and there was already a bundled up baby in my arms. Instead of being overcome by instant love like everyone told me I would be, I just felt kind of awkward. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do or how I felt."
I was struck by how different her story was from the way birth is usually described. While I knew labor and birth were painful, I always thought that it would all be okay in the end - this is what people have always told me. I always figured that while going into labor would be scary, it would also be somewhat exiting - I mean, you're about to have a child. I would hate to feel alone right before that, and to feel helpless. However, I liked that I was hearing a completely different story then most. And I was actually glad to know that it's okay to feel uncertain, or to not know what to feel. Her story showed me that even with something as natural as birth, people still feel awkward sometimes.
The third woman I interviewed has an 11 month old daughter, and wants to have another child so that her daughter will have a sibling. However, it's not happening. She said she wants to have another child because a few months ago one of her friends died in November, and her friend had a daughter. She kept thinking about how alone her friend's daughter must feel, and decided that she wanted her daughter to have a sibling so that no matter what, they would always have each other. When I asked why she wanted to have a child the first time around, she said that she had gotten married, and felt she wanted a family.
I thought it was interesting how her friend's death made her want to have another child. During the illness and dying unit, we talked mostly about what it was like for the actual people dying, and not so much about how it affects people they know. Her friend's death made her want to have another child, conceivably so that her daughter wouldn't be alone - but I wondered if it was something more then that, if having another child was a way to help her get over the death of her friend.
Throughout all my interviews, I also thought about why people decide to have children. I have heard women say that they "had a strong desire" to have kids, or their body was telling them it was time to have a child. I once heard a woman say that for the four years before she had a child it was all she could think about. I wondered if this was something mental (they wanted a baby to love and care for), or something physical. This is something I would like to research more about what the biological reasons behind people wanting children are.
I didn't get to interview any fathers, so I am curious about what their experience is like. Do they feel emotionally attached to their child before he is born, or only afterward, when they have seen and held him?
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
HW 35 - Other Peoples' Perspectives 1
I interviewed three people, C, L, and E, who are all sixteen year old girls. (I probably should have asked a more varied group of people. I'll try to do that next time). Something I tried to do while conducting my interviews was find out why people have the perspectives they do, and if their opinions about birth have anything to do with the way they were born. This seemed to be the case with C and L. I asked them what they thought the ideal time to have a child would be (after having a job, after getting married, etc), and they both had very similar answers: They thought the ideal time for them to have a child would be when they were in their thirties, after having finished college and finding a steady job.
When I asked why that was the ideal time, C said that by then she would hope to be financially ready to have a child, and have a home to raise them in. She also said her own mother gave birth to her when she was in her late thirties, and she thought that this was the right decision, because by then her parents were able and ready to raise her. L said that she would hope to be at least thirty when having a child, because by then, she would have done everything she wanted to (finishing college, traveling, finding a job) - in her words "I will have gotten all the crazy out of me by then." I asked L how old her mother was when she had her, and she said late thirties. She also said that she thought she would have a child earlier, because her mom had a lot of trouble during pregnancy, and this may have been because she was having a child so late.
They also had similar answers to my other questions: They both thought that only the father should be there for the birth ("and maybe not even him," joked C), and that their parents should be the first people to know when the child was born. "And no cameras, I don't understand why people do that!" said L. They both had the same answer when I asked what their first reaction was when they thought of birth: "Pain." However, my friend E had a different opinion on the subject: She didn't think that she wanted to have a child, ever. She said she didn't feel she could do a good job. We also discussed how people get married because they got pregnant, and E said she didn't like that - she thought that kids weren't a reason to get married, and a lot of marriages don't work out because that's the thing they are built on. However, she did say that she really liked kids, and that they are really interesting, she just wouldn't want to have a child of her own.
All in all, what I have gleaned from talking with people is that the time and nature of their birth affects their perspective on giving birth. I have also learned that the way people are raised affects how they want to raise their children. I also decided that the interviews confirm something that I have always thought, which is that people born in my generation have many other goals besides having children - however, it is something that some people still want to do, and still think is a natural part of life.
When I asked why that was the ideal time, C said that by then she would hope to be financially ready to have a child, and have a home to raise them in. She also said her own mother gave birth to her when she was in her late thirties, and she thought that this was the right decision, because by then her parents were able and ready to raise her. L said that she would hope to be at least thirty when having a child, because by then, she would have done everything she wanted to (finishing college, traveling, finding a job) - in her words "I will have gotten all the crazy out of me by then." I asked L how old her mother was when she had her, and she said late thirties. She also said that she thought she would have a child earlier, because her mom had a lot of trouble during pregnancy, and this may have been because she was having a child so late.
They also had similar answers to my other questions: They both thought that only the father should be there for the birth ("and maybe not even him," joked C), and that their parents should be the first people to know when the child was born. "And no cameras, I don't understand why people do that!" said L. They both had the same answer when I asked what their first reaction was when they thought of birth: "Pain." However, my friend E had a different opinion on the subject: She didn't think that she wanted to have a child, ever. She said she didn't feel she could do a good job. We also discussed how people get married because they got pregnant, and E said she didn't like that - she thought that kids weren't a reason to get married, and a lot of marriages don't work out because that's the thing they are built on. However, she did say that she really liked kids, and that they are really interesting, she just wouldn't want to have a child of her own.
All in all, what I have gleaned from talking with people is that the time and nature of their birth affects their perspective on giving birth. I have also learned that the way people are raised affects how they want to raise their children. I also decided that the interviews confirm something that I have always thought, which is that people born in my generation have many other goals besides having children - however, it is something that some people still want to do, and still think is a natural part of life.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
HW 34 - Some Initial Thoughts On Birth
My current thinking about birth seems to center around how it's presented in movies and television, why it is or isn't necessary, and why I can't think of many real life experiences related to it.
When pregnancy and birth are depicted in movies and television, the way these subjects are approached tends to vary a lot depending on the audience. For instance, anything aimed toward teenagers shows pregnancy as highly uncomfortable, and birth as agonizing. Any show or movie aimed at a older audience shows pregnancy as beautiful, and birth as being "worth the pain". Neither of these approaches are ideal, since both approaches stem from people striving to tell their audience what they need to hear, or what they want to hear - the movies for teenagers try to convince them to not get pregnant, while the movies for older audiences aim to show birth as natural and beautiful, since the people (women) watching those movies tend to be closer to an age where they will want to have a child. I have always been perplexed by this. To be simultaneously told that pregnancy is wrong, and that pregnancy is beautiful, strikes two completely different chords.
Despite all the disparities in the way pregnancy is portrayed in movies and television, there does seem to be an underlying theme: Having a baby, or being a father to one (at the "right" time) is essential to having a "complete" life. However, I disagree: I don't think that having a child should be looked at as one's duty in life. Women who don't want to have children seem to be stigmatized for this, even though there is actually no reason they should be. Having a child should be seen as a joyful, albeit uncomfortable, experience - not just something someone has to do. The human population on earth will continue to grow exponentially even if a few people decide not to have children.
Throughout my pondering about pregnancy and birth, I haven't been able to come up with many real life experiences. I have visited various women in the hospital when they have just had a baby (friend's parents, mostly), but never have I known and been close to someone while they were pregnant. I wondered why I didn't ever ask anyone about it, or why the only time it was ever talked about was in biology and health class. In fact, the first thing that came to mind when I thought about birth was an episode of The Buried Life where the main characters want to help deliver a baby. During this unit, I would like to ask someone about being pregnant and giving birth, in order to gain a more real understanding about the topic, as opposed to the one I have constructed from movies and television.
Questions about birth:
How is pregnancy viewed in other countries, and does this affect how much medical care and attention pregnant women in those countries get?
How much of what the movies and television say about pregnancy and birth is true?
Why is natural birth considered "better"?
How is "natural birth" defined? Is it just birth without drugs, or birth at home as opposed to a hospital?
Why is teen pregnancy viewed as so wrong and immoral? It is, technically, what is supposed to happen.
When pregnancy and birth are depicted in movies and television, the way these subjects are approached tends to vary a lot depending on the audience. For instance, anything aimed toward teenagers shows pregnancy as highly uncomfortable, and birth as agonizing. Any show or movie aimed at a older audience shows pregnancy as beautiful, and birth as being "worth the pain". Neither of these approaches are ideal, since both approaches stem from people striving to tell their audience what they need to hear, or what they want to hear - the movies for teenagers try to convince them to not get pregnant, while the movies for older audiences aim to show birth as natural and beautiful, since the people (women) watching those movies tend to be closer to an age where they will want to have a child. I have always been perplexed by this. To be simultaneously told that pregnancy is wrong, and that pregnancy is beautiful, strikes two completely different chords.
Despite all the disparities in the way pregnancy is portrayed in movies and television, there does seem to be an underlying theme: Having a baby, or being a father to one (at the "right" time) is essential to having a "complete" life. However, I disagree: I don't think that having a child should be looked at as one's duty in life. Women who don't want to have children seem to be stigmatized for this, even though there is actually no reason they should be. Having a child should be seen as a joyful, albeit uncomfortable, experience - not just something someone has to do. The human population on earth will continue to grow exponentially even if a few people decide not to have children.
Throughout my pondering about pregnancy and birth, I haven't been able to come up with many real life experiences. I have visited various women in the hospital when they have just had a baby (friend's parents, mostly), but never have I known and been close to someone while they were pregnant. I wondered why I didn't ever ask anyone about it, or why the only time it was ever talked about was in biology and health class. In fact, the first thing that came to mind when I thought about birth was an episode of The Buried Life where the main characters want to help deliver a baby. During this unit, I would like to ask someone about being pregnant and giving birth, in order to gain a more real understanding about the topic, as opposed to the one I have constructed from movies and television.
Questions about birth:
How is pregnancy viewed in other countries, and does this affect how much medical care and attention pregnant women in those countries get?
How much of what the movies and television say about pregnancy and birth is true?
Why is natural birth considered "better"?
How is "natural birth" defined? Is it just birth without drugs, or birth at home as opposed to a hospital?
Why is teen pregnancy viewed as so wrong and immoral? It is, technically, what is supposed to happen.
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